Epiphany.

"Life is a path, lit only by the light of those I've loved" - Johnny Cash.

It's sad that it takes so much horrendous news for one to have such a simple epiphany about life.
It wasn't until I was breaking down, and the handful of people I could talk to about it were asleep (or refusing to talk to me at 2am) that I fully realized even with all my friends, I am still truly alone unless I let people in, and love them back.

That's always been the hardest word for me, and when people say it to me my usual response is to awkwardly chuckle, and say 'ok'. Or if asked if I love them, my response has habitually been 'no'.
I'm not one of those damn silly hippies that can run outside and claim to love everybody, that's just not possible and defeats the whole purpose.
However, for all of my friends that have been there for me these past years, to have my back through all my weird shit, and not be afraid to joke or poke fun of it after, I am proud to be able to say that I love you all.